How to Show Effort in a First Message (Without Overthinking It)

You matched. Nice.
Now you’re staring at the empty text box, wondering:

“What do I say that doesn’t sound boring, basic, or like ChatGPT wrote it?”

Let’s break this down, no fluff, no pickup artist hacks, just real advice.

What “Effort” Actually Looks Like

Effort doesn’t mean writing a novel.
It means showing you gave any thought at all to this person, not just “a person.”

The bar is low:

Mention their pet
Ask about something in their bio
React to a weird photo
Tie your opener to your shared interests

Even one layer of observation puts you in the top 10%.

⚠️ What Most People Do (That Backfires)

Let’s call them:

“Hey 😊” (too bland)
“How’s your weekend?” (generic small talk)
“Tell me something interesting about you” (lazy reversal)

These are low-effort templates, and everyone’s seen them.

If you’re going to use a line that could apply to anyone, why should they feel special?

The Secret: Specific > Clever

Clever lines can work, sure.
But specific beats clever every time.

Instead of:

“Nice smile :)”

Try:

“I’m 80% sure your dog is the real star of your profile. Is he single too?”

Instead of:

“What are you looking for?”

Try:

“You said you love slow Sundays. I’m picturing pancakes, not productivity. True?”

These are light, direct, and personalized. You don’t need to be funny. You need to be relevant.

How to Personalize in 15 Seconds

If you’re in a rush, scan for these clues:

Pets or hobbies → name or joke about them
Travel pics → “Where was the beach one?”
Prompts → reply to something they wrote
Style or vibe → match their tone (serious? sarcastic?)

Effort isn’t about time. It’s about intent.

When in Doubt, Use This Trick

Still stuck?

Use the “comment + question” format:

“That omakase counter shot is perfect. Do they still trust you with soy sauce?”

“You seem like the type who brings snacks on hikes. Trail mix or chaos?”

It shows you looked, thought, and gave them a way to reply, without pressure.

Want Help Crafting Yours?

At MiraiDate, we help you write better first messages, tailored to:

Your personality
Their profile
The app you’re on

Describe their profile, and we’ll suggest 3–5 icebreakers that fit.

Try it out: MiraiDate Prompt Assistant

How to Open to an Empty Profile
When you’ve got no info to go on, use structure and intent to make it work.

Photo vs. Face: What’s Really Being Judged First
First impressions start before your message, but your message can still change the story.

How to Show Effort in a First Message (Without Overthinking It)